home

sirens outside. nothing new, they are part of my soundscape now like seagulls on helston beach. feeling a stranger in my home. hard to know whether it is my comportment that is creating friction or the friction that feeds my moods.

drew's confrontation with me has affected me deeply i know. some say that it's because we secretly fancy each other that we have this conflict, and i have seriously pondered this possibility. i thought it could be so, but now it doesn't really make sense to me. and the discomfort spreads like ink on cotton bleeding into a big messy stain and i really have no idea how it got spilt in the first place. well ideas i have. but communication is at a big fat zero. even the cat seems pissed off with me.

though here i have another grapple with perception and aperception,

for maybe i wonder much is merely my subconscious casting shadows...
no, surely. i know it's not all in my head.

...