placebos
I am still, watching the avalanche about to hit
doing nothing, just staring at it and inside i'm shouting come on you stupid fool, move, WHY DON'T YOU MOVE, but I don't. I just stay there, inert, comfortably numb. It is like in a moment I can see my life pass by me at high speed and stand outside it watching it leave me behind. I know that I stand at a point of regret, and maybe writing this, seeing that stark reality, in a world of clocks and irretrievable moments, maybe just maybe it will start my wheels turning, stop me making the same mistake once twice three times too late. It is like I am split in two, a tiny stronger me is running around in my belly stamping her feet and spitting fire, pounding at the walls of my cage and aching to shatter the links of the chain, straining to make me listen, I can feel her in there, she scrapes at my stomach and her yells reach my muffled ears like that blurred faceless murmur that filters through as you cross the soundless bridge into sleep. . .
But I watch her too,
I, as I float off into timeless star-pricked skies. Distance grows. But still I know that I will have to go back, ... I know too as much as she that down there the clocks never stop ticking . . .
doing nothing, just staring at it and inside i'm shouting come on you stupid fool, move, WHY DON'T YOU MOVE, but I don't. I just stay there, inert, comfortably numb. It is like in a moment I can see my life pass by me at high speed and stand outside it watching it leave me behind. I know that I stand at a point of regret, and maybe writing this, seeing that stark reality, in a world of clocks and irretrievable moments, maybe just maybe it will start my wheels turning, stop me making the same mistake once twice three times too late. It is like I am split in two, a tiny stronger me is running around in my belly stamping her feet and spitting fire, pounding at the walls of my cage and aching to shatter the links of the chain, straining to make me listen, I can feel her in there, she scrapes at my stomach and her yells reach my muffled ears like that blurred faceless murmur that filters through as you cross the soundless bridge into sleep. . .
But I watch her too,
I, as I float off into timeless star-pricked skies. Distance grows. But still I know that I will have to go back, ... I know too as much as she that down there the clocks never stop ticking . . .
posted by tara at 8:37 am
1 Comments:
...sounds like you've got a stressfull week in front of you, Tara ;) ... or maybe your talking about something entirely different.
I think you are describing something that is essentially human - knowing all the different possibilities and consequenses - and still taking a consciously wrong choice. Or not choosing at all which is basically the same.
We are so much smarter than rabbits, yet we still run straight into the headlights. In these situations all our superior brain does, is drag out the moment of realising our mistake.
Anyway - that was just what I came to think about...
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